seeingblind

Two Years Ago Today

Posted: 02.27.09

Today marks two years. Two years without a Mom. Two years since cancer finally won. In some ways it feels like a lifetime. In others, it feels like it happened yesterday.

I still vividly remember those last few months. In and out of the hospital. Home with hospice. The cries, the laughs, the memories that were shared, longing to hold on to them, because there would be one less person to reminisce the stories of my childhood. Wanting my future bride to hear the stories straight from the source. To have that relationship with my mom, so she could know what I was feeling when the sadness hit. So she could comfort me when I couldn’t find solace anywhere else.

This is going to be more about who my wife is than who my mother was. Because, for me, she is what filled the gap.

Long in advance of today, she was making plans. Preparing for me. Clearing her schedule of anything that would keep her from me. She usually goes into work about an hour before I do, but not today. She took the day off, just so I wouldn’t have to be by myself this morning. She wanted to make sure I didn’t have to be by myself, if I didn’t want to. She’s coming to go out to lunch with me. She’s making sure she’s home when I get off work. She’s making today a day to be with me and celebrate my mother’s life. However I want to do that.

We’re going to the gravesite today. I haven’t been there in a while. The grave marker was the hardest design that I have ever done. But it turned out beautifully. I did it in irises, which were her favorite flower, and her favorite verse from the Bible. We had it cut into a dark green granite, and they did a great job with it.

Heather has been there every step along the way. Her grandfather has been in and out of the hospital lately, and she has been really sensitive as to how I feel going to the hospital with her, and seeing her grandfather there. At times, it has been a bit much to handle. The first time back there, it was overwhelming, and I couldn’t go back for a little while.

She was there for me while Mom was declining, and when she passed away, Heather never left my side. Looking back, we’re thankful we kept the wedding date in May, rather than moving up so Mom could be there. Mom didn’t want her death to be forever associated with our anniversary. She was such a wise woman.

And I try to recall the bits of wisdom she passed along to me. I am the man I am today because of her. And because of Heather, standing by me and supporting me. I have had the best women in the world as a part of my life.

And I thank God for them.

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